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The Press Loves Us, So Will You!
Events Filled with Love Call Us! 917.438.7926 Creating Naughty Events Since 2001 1.888.89.EVENT Serving NYC & Surrounding Areas within 30 Minutes |
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ThePeeq.com
Adventures of A Oral Techniques Take Women to the Head of Class by Alexandra Sinderbrand
When a guy murmurs, “Will you go down on
me?” early in the AM, he’s usually looking for an orgasm that requires little to
no effort on his part. As an inherently selfish person, focusing exclusively on
pleasuring someone else bores the shit out of me. So for the requisite ten to
fifteen minutes of having a penis in my mouth, I decide whether to go to yoga or
to brunch, make a mental note to drop off dry cleaning and contemplate adopting
a puppy. I’m an excellent multi-tasker, I know.
At least 30 of them, actually. Cute
twentysomethings, aging bleached-blonde MILFs and everybody in between situated
themselves in metal folding chairs around me. Black, white, Latina, whatever –
all bound by a collective desire to better their BJ skills.
I feigned enthusiasm and settled in. Enter
“erotic instructor” Ian.
“First of all, I’m gay; otherwise it would
be difficult for a man to teach this class, right?” he giggled. We giggled.
Blaire, the class organizer, handed us lengthy peeled carrots as Ian, talking
over the sounds of Madonna’s “Immaculate Collection,” introduced us to Pablo – a
large black dildo – and reassured us that Pablo made only public instructional
appearances. Ian then explained the benefits of water-based lube while Blaire
made the rounds, squeezing dollops of clear goo into our open palms.
Ian began his instruction by teaching us
some handjob techniques, encouraging us to use our carrots to mimic his moves on
Pablo. I was about to jerk off a vegetable. Thankfully, Ian’s enthusiasm and the
class’s eager participation assuaged the awkward feeling that inevitably
accompanies treating a salad ingredient like a schlong.
Before Ian orally pleasured Pablo, he gave
us some general wisdom on the art of giving head. The gist: Fellatio need not be
a monotonous, twenty-minute endeavor. A blowjob shouldn’t be deemed good, bad or
ugly based on semen expulsion or lack thereof. Blowjobs can be enjoyed by both
parties when they’re treated as exploratory acts.
Ian had me really excited to go to town on
my carrot until he described giving head as “empowering.” I pictured creepy porn
stars shoving their nine-inch Viagra boners down women’s throats. Ian read my
mind.
“I’m not talking about the kind of
blowjobs you see in porn flicks! Any time a guy’s tried to face-fuck me, I’m
like, ‘Buddy, hands off, I know what I’m doing.’” He giggled again. “Seriously,
a guy trusts you enough to put his manhood in your mouth. You could bite the
entire thing off if you wanted to. How is that not empowering?”
While I’d inadvertently executed some of
Ian’s techniques in past oral experience – like the “Ice Cream Cone,” licks and
flicks with the tongue all over the penis – a few of his suggestions were
inspiring. The “Operation” move involves traveling down the shaft without
touching the sides, using only your warm breath to stimulate your partner. Upon
reaching the bottom of the shaft, clasp your mouth shut, give a steady suck
upwards and finish it off with a “pop!” at the top (also known as the
“Lollypop,” in which you place the head of the penis in your mouth and “pop” the
top as you pull away). If you, ahem, play ball, secure your thumbs in an L shape
under his nuts; then “Bless the Bishop and the Boys” by nuzzling or sucking one
ball and running your tongue up and down the shaft before attending to the other
one.
I couldn’t remember the specifics of Ian’s
techniques when I gave head after attending Metro Event Planners’ Blowjob Class,
but I did feel less inhibited and more engaged in the penis-sucking process.
Ian’s instruction allowed me to view oral sex not as an obligatory precursor to
intercourse, but as an exploratory and – dare I say it – empowering exercise
that can strengthen intimacy.
Metro Event Planners’ Blowjob Class is held once a month. Tickets are $50 each. Visit their website, www.metroeventplanners.com for details and to purchase tickets. |
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